


What dying feels like

by Never laugh at a live Sherlock (smaugholmeswatson)



Category: Firefly
Genre: Episode: s01e08 Out of Gas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-10
Updated: 2014-07-10
Packaged: 2018-02-08 06:33:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1930284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smaugholmeswatson/pseuds/Never%20laugh%20at%20a%20live%20Sherlock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by the Firefly episode 'Out of Gas. Written from the point of veiw of Captain Malcolm Reynolds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A stupid mistake

I am going to die alone. 

This is the only thought running through my head as I stagger through the darkened corridors of Serenity, my spaceship, towards the engine room. In the dark I don't see the chair until I trip over it and tumble to the floor, landing heavily on my side. A cry of pain forces itself between my teeth and for a moment I simply lay there, one hand pressed against my stomach to slow the flow of blood. So far I'd been unsuccesful in making any change; the blood just continued to gush through my clenched fingers. In truth it was my own stupid fault I'd been shot. After Serenity had run out of gas, (yes I'd neglected to fill her up at the last planet we'd been to) the life support systems had overloaded and I'd sent my crew away in order to preserve the precious air supply I'd contacted a passing ship for help. They responded with the welcoming news they had the component I needed to repair my ship and were willing to trade for it. However after allowing them to board Serenity the captain had pulled out his gun and shot me when my back was turned before walking away and leaving me to die. 

I breathe in deeply, gasping down great mouthfuls of air that is steadily growing thinner as it begins to run out. I grit my teeth and tighten my grip on the precious component which, when it is in its rightful place, will bring my ship back to life, and enable me to call back my crew. Assuming I didn't bleed to death before then. I force myself to stand and continue through the mess room. It is odd not to hear the voices of my crew as they bicker between themselves or argue about an order I've given them. Even though sending them away while I repaired Serenity was the right desicion, there wouldn't have been enough air to sustain us all, deep down there is the worry there won't be anyone to take my place if I should fail. A sense of sadness fills me as I continue through my ship. Instead of the comforting low rumble of her firefly class engines propelling her through the edges of Alliance space there is only a deep, forbidding silence. Just like me Serenity is injured and may never work again. A wave of dizziness floods through me, almost causing me to fall again. Evidently the shot of adrenalin I gave myself in the infirmary earlier is beginning to wear off. 

It is then I realise with a small, horrified jolt that if I don't reach the engine room soon I may never get there. Nobody would know of my fate, well no one except my crew should they ever decide to investigate why I never called them back. Serenity, my beloved ship, meanwhile would float dead in space; nothing but scrap metal. The dizziness grows worse, sapping me of my remaining strength, and a wave of tiredness floods through me. My knees buckle and I slump against the wall, the metal cold against my back. Surely it wouldn't hurt to rest for just a few minutes. Closing my eyes I drift down into darkness... 

* * * * 

The sky is clear and Serenity gleams brightly in the light of the two suns orbiting the planet. Proudly I stand and watch my crew loading the spare parts that are our reward for a mission successfully carried out. 

"I could get used to this." drawls Jayne as he walks past me, heavily laden. 

"Get used to what?" I ask, not taking my eyes off my ship. Though she may seem a rundown wreck Srenity is a ship who will never let you down. 

"Sucess." replies Jayne simply with the slightest of smiles. 

I am about to reply when a searing pain shot through my side, burning like fire... 

* * * * 

My eyes open. For a moment I am confused. What happened to the sunlight? Gradually it all comes flooding back. A quiet groan escapes me. I had simply been remembering the last happy time I'd spent with my crew. The metal floor presses painfully against my cheek and I raise myself, wincing when intense pain stabs through my side. I must have been out for awhile judging by the blood that has pooled from my wound. Gritting my teeth I tighten my grip on the component and force myself to stand once more. I am not going to die, I will get Serenity working even if it kills me, an outcome which seems highly certain. Painfully slow I drag myself through the corridors of my ship which seem to swim before my tired eyes. Just a little bit furthur to go. Focused as I am on placing one foot before the other without stumbling I am therefore surprised when I glance up and find myself already at the entrance of the engine room. I can hardly believe I've actually made it. I can't celebrate yet; first I must somehow stay conscious long enough to fit the component into its rightful place. 

A wave of tiredness sweeps through me again and I find myself fighting an almost irresistable urge to lay down and sleep as I struggle to recall where Kaylee, Serenity's mechanic and single-handedly responsible for keeping her flying, had said the component should go. Eventually, after too long a pause in which nothing happened, I remember and lurch towards a bank of machinery, steadying myself using the wall. I wince when I see the bloody handprint I have left behind and mentally apologise to Serenity. If I got out of this mess I was personally going to give her a clean. I shake my head and press my hand more firmly against my wound. What am I thinking? There is no if; I will get out of this alive and that is final.In order to fit the component I am forced to take my hand away from my wound. Because my hands are slick with my own blood I have the grip the coil tightly to prevent it slipping as I gingerly lower it into place. 

To my horror I miss and it clatters to the ground, disappearing beneath the machinery. With a howl of disbelief I drop to my knees and reach out, almost crying out when the action of stretching aggravates my wound. After several heart stopping moments when it seems the coil is out of my reach, my fingers close on cold metal and I slowly pull it towards me, cradling it to my chest so I can't drop it a second time. Once again I lower it into place, my heart pounding painfully hard in my chest as I hold my breath. If I fail this time I will simply not have the strentgh to try again. 

To my immense relief I hear a click, signalling the component is securely in place, and breathe a sigh of relief as Serenity's engines rumble to life. I wipe a trembling hand across my forehead, smearing it with sweat and blood. A strained laugh escapes me. What a sight I'll appear to my crew! The laughter quickly dies away. It isn't over yet; first I have to get to the cockpit and press the button which will send a transmission that it was safe to return to the ship. I take a step forward and my knees abruptly give way, sending my crashing to the floor. Darkness pulses at the edge of my vision and I weakly press a hand against my wound. The blood continues to flow through my fingers despite my efforts, taking my remaining strength with it. I slump down and press my forehead against the floor, breathing deeply. It can't end here. With an immense effort I crawl up the steps and painfully drag my numb body towards the pilots chair with gritted teeth. I will summon my crew back. Failure is not an option. Finally, after a huge struggle, I reach the chair and use it to steady myself as I reach for the button. My fingers are mere centimetres away when my strength finally fails me and I come crashing down, crying out in pain when I land hard on my injured side. Winded I can do nothing but lie there and stare helplessly up at my salvation. Even though I know it is useless I reach out with my hand before simply letting it fall. It splashes in the blood already pooling round me. 

Without warning my vision flickers and a single tear escapes me. This wasn't how I'd wanted to die but then I suppose no one really wants to go. Just then a feeling of calm envelopes me and my wound feels numb, if not completly painless. 

"This must be what dying feels like." I whisper quietly before finally, gratefully I allow the darkness to carry me away. 


	2. Salvation

That was how the crew of Serenity found Captain Malcolm Reynolds; bleeding heavily and barely alive. They had all been concerned when no summons had arrived after several hours and had hurried back to the ship only to find blood smeared and splattered everywhere. They'd all guessed something terrible had happened and had hastily searched the ship for signs of the Captain. In the end it had been Simon Tam, Serenity's doctor, who had found him. At first he'd thought they were already too late but on closer inspection had discovered a faint fluttering pulse showing that Malcolm Reynolds still clung on. The crew of the Serenity were currently crowded together in the ship's tiny infirmary, watching anxiously as Simon got to work. A quiet grown escaped Malcolm as Simon finished bandaging the wound and his eyes flickered open. For a moment he stared blearily round at the people surrounding him before his eyes widened in recognition. 

"You came back" He murmured, a frown on his face. "But I never managed to call you back." 

Simon smiled down at him and exchanged a glance with Inara who inclined her head a little in return. "We were worried something had happened to you and as it turned out we were right." He said, lying a hand on Mal's shoulder. "You should get some sleep." 

Mal lay back and obidiently closed his eyes. A sudden thought struck him and he half sat up again. "You won't leave again will you? You'll still all be here when I wake up?" He asked, sounding a little frantic. 

"Of course." Simon whispered in reponse. 

Satisfied Mal drifted off to sleep with a smile on his face as he started to dream of happier, more prosperous time. One by one the crew slowly crept out until only Simon was left in the infirmary. His expression was gentle as he regarded Mal. He couldn't even begin to imagine where he had found the strength to fix the ship and make his way from the loading bay to the cockpit with a bullet lodged in his stomach. Simon sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Mal was out of the woods now and would only have a scar to remember that today ever happened. With a final glance in Mal's direction Simon exited the infirmary thinking how he would have coped in his place... he knew for sure he would have just laid where he was orginally shot and not get back up. He shook his head and roughly shoved the thoughts aside. Serenity was working again and Mal was going to be okay, that was all that mattered. A shudder ran through him and a dark thought crept into his mind. Everything could have been so much worse... 

The End 


End file.
